Seems half empty.
So I come to this point again where I just want to stop what I've been routinely doing. Either I've grown tired of it, or just plainly because I want to try out new things with the hope that things can only get better.
"But what if it won't get any better?"
Then I get stuck with the decision, whether to go or to stay. For many, it's perhaps easier to stay, others find it easier to let go.
Me?
It used to be easy letting go. Those times when I felt I had the world at my fingertips, what I didn't like, either I let go, or I left behind.
I did not care.
Things are always easy that way. Throwing away stuff without first figuring out their value.
Family. Friends. Career. Self.
I threw away many things thinking I was cleaning a clutter, only to find out in the end there's nothing left to organize and put into place. I became empty.
But the world is merciful and it gives you countless chances of happiness when you open yourself to sacrifices and pain.
The only way to feel warmth is when you come in from the battering cold. The only way to experience happiness is when you've fought and overcome a painful sadness. The only way you see the sun is when you've survived the night.
I don't think it can be taught other than experiencing it first-hand. There are lucky ones who never had to lift a finger to experience the abundance of this materialistic world. And I've always wondered about their definition of happiness.
Does it also make them happy when someone smiles at them while talking about their busy day at work? Or when someone wipes away their tears when talking about a bad past? Or when someone smiles at them and whisper the words,
"I love you"? Or does their happiness always come with a pricetag?
I don't want my definition of love to change. I've always defined it as,
the freedom to care and sacrifice unconditionally for someone worth it. I like it simple, clear and priceless.
Life has never been easy. I endured years of regret before God gave me the grace to be able to make sound decisions to not have regrets. He punished me with tasks I thought would mark my death. God gave me one reason to smile only after He gave me a billion reasons to cry. And that's more than enough for me. I found that spark to guide me through this dark journey.
So I went back to look at the glass that's half empty.
I'm living life. And with that spark shining to guide me, I can make it. I'll make the most of what I have. Even if I don't have plenty, I have enough. You'll see me smiling, when I get to You.
So I decided. The glass isn't half empty at all, it's just half full.
